Puttin' On My Ranty-Pants! - The Flash Movie

The director of the 2023 movie based on DC Comics' The Flash revealed that he believes the reason the movie flopped is because people (especially women) don't care about the character.

Well, I got Two Words for ya!

Bull. Shit.

I got some shit to say, and I'm going to start with the simplest, most obvious one:

Your film's main star was all over the news in a VERY public way being a massive fucking creep.

"Do you want to go and see 'The Flash'?"
"Who's in that?"
"Ezra Miller."
"Who?"
"You know, that massive freak who's only real claim to fame has been acting like a huge, entitled creep and stalker and has been all over the news lately making a colossal jackass of themselves."
"..."

Yeah. Good luck with that.(P.S. What do you think the female audience interest in 'Batgirl' might've been? Just a thought.)


Number 2. We're just going to ignore the TV series that ran for nine seasons from 2014 to (checks watch) The Same Year Your Film Was Released? A TV series that had a pretty decent-sized female audience? THAT one? 

(For fuck's sake, do people even hear the shit coming out of their mouths?)

So. That's the two easy ones out of the way. Now it's time to put on your big-boy director pants on and confront some shit about just how utterly fucking basic the 'blockbuster' movie studio system has become.

Number Three.
When 'Superman: The Movie' came out in 1978, it's tag line was "You will believe a man can fly". It captivated an audience with a simple concept that struck at the heart of a wide range of people. People want to go and see that because they want to see a wonderful thing that they can believe in. 
What's 'The Flash's tagline? "Worlds Collide"
The fuck does that even MEAN to a wider audience? 

The Flash has the ability to move at Superhuman Speed. He's literally 'The Fastest Man Alive'. 

That's potentially thrilling, isn't it? The idea of going really, REALLY fast? 
I mean, it's not like literally thousands of hugely successful films haven't made vast sums of cash off that concept... The 'Fast and the Furious' franchise, 'Top Gun', 'Bullitt', 'Ford vs Ferrari'... hell... 'Speed'! Now imagine that... but instead of being inside a metal shell... it's just you. How wild would THAT be?
But even aside from the sheer, thrilling velocity of speed, there's also the other side of speed - The ability to do everything in the blink of an eye. Remember those scenes with Quicksilver from the X-Men films? Where he's tearing headlong through a world of statues? Now imagine your audience thinking about their day... their tedious commute to work, waiting in line at the bank, standing at bus stops and train stations, sitting in meetings, waiting for the microwave to ping, watching the clock, counting the minutes... and now imagine all that gone.
There's a fantasy an audience can connect with and want to immerse themselves in.

But what was the fantasy you offered? Slightly different versions of vaguely familiar characters. Fixing the continuity. 
FIXING THE CONTINUITY? 
Instead of the fantasy of limitless speed in unlimited time, you're giving the audience the fantasy of what? A comic book editorial pitch meeting which could have been an e-mail? 

Just gonna repeat that, because I think it's something comic publishers AND movie studios need to hear... when your Big, High Concept for a Movie Fantasy aimed at a wide audience is...

An Editorial Pitch Meeting Which Could Have Been An E-mail...

And that's what you consider Prime Material for a Two Hundred Million Dollar "Blockbuster"? 
Not killer sharks or space battles or globetrotting adventure or spectacular disasters but the futile promise of "fixing" the last couple of movies you watched but didn't like.
That's your 'Big Idea'?
Christ.
No wonder the movie studios are so desperate to find anything to hook an audience. They're THAT out of touch with even the most basic principles of human existence and thought. Because let me clue you in on how Fantasy works.
Here's the formula. Take something (1) Amazing, which (2) Never (or hardly ever) happens, and which (3) Few, if any people have experienced. Then, give them the sensation of experiencing it. Simple right? So "moving really REALLY fast"?
That works. 
Now let's try "An editorial pitch meeting which could have been an e-mail"?
Do you See The Problem Now?
But that's not even the worst bit...

Because we're on Number Four. 
Making. The. Audience. Care. About. Your. Story. Is. YOUR. Job.
It's NOT the job of "the IP". Fucking studios are so hung up on this idea that successful movies should just show up fully formed on their doorstep, and then it's just a matter of running them through the fucking sausage machine.
THIS. This is why your movies are shit.
You're turning prepackaged 'concepts' into pre-chewed 'gruel' and wondering why it has the taste of masticated cardboard. You've removed any actual VALUE. Writers aren't there to write. Director's aren't there to direct. Actors aren't there to act. Everyone's just cranking the handle on the fucking machine while the studios salivate over the opportunity to just fire everyone and get the AI to turn the crank instead.

An old man catches a big fish. That's your idea, and as ideas go, it's a good one.
But it's the hard work, creativity, imagination and craft of skilled people that will turn it into anything but an idea... and if you're only willing to put desultory work, creativity, imagination and craft, you can't them blame the audience if they can't be arsed getting excited over watching you begrudgingly go through the motions of cranking the sausage machine.

That's why not everyone can do what you do. That's why they pay you the big bucks. That's the difference between being a professional creator and someone with 'a lot of ideas'. 
And unfortunately, even the best, brightest and most creative are stuck in a system of crank-turners and sausage-makers and have to struggle against that tide.

So don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining. If you want audiences to get excited again, you're going to have to re-train them, and you've been doing a great job of getting them used to your pre-packaged muck... so good luck with that.
You'll need it.