The Man Was...

(Originally published October 27, 2020)

 

        The man was shaken awake by a police officer. In the corner of the room was a dead body. The man seemed confused and groggy as the cop began, tentatively to question him.     "What were you doing here?" the cop asked.         The man looked around and gradually, he took in the desk, the platform, the charts on the walls. That's right, he thought, the doctor...         "I was getting results back...," he mumbled blearily, the words tumbling out even as he recalled them, "There was a blood test."         "A blood test," the cop scribbled down a note, "What for?"         The man shook his head. Everything was still a blur. Someone (the doctor's receptionist? another cop?) offered him a paper cup full of cold water which he gulped down greedily. As the water hit the back of his throat, he could feel the clouds start to clear.         "I'd...," he began, "I've just moved into this area. It was suggested that I get away from the city. I was stressed out, anxious. I was having trouble sleeping."         The cop nodded and grunted, uh-huh, as he kept taking notes, "Did that work?"         "For... a bit?" the man gingerly touched his head and felt a lump... that would explain why his brain was so foggy. "The quiet was nice; The clean air. I'd begun taking walks. I was sleeping better."         "I can feel a 'but' coming on," prodded the officer.         "About a week ago, I was walking through a wooded area next to a tall hedge, when I heard something on the other side."         "What sort of something?"         "I'm not sure. An animal of some kind. I just thought it was a dog. A lot of the farmers have them around here. But I started to feel nervous, so I hurried. Maybe started running. Some dogs will react to that... if someone starts running, they'll chase it. I could hear it running after me."         "And..."         "As I rounded a tree, it came at me. It grabbed my hand and just kinda shook it... like it was trying to kill a chicken or something... and then it just ran off."         The person came along and handed the man another cup of water, which he took his time with. He paused briefly, sighed, and went on, "When I got home, I cleaned it up, and bandaged it. The following morning, I made an appointment with the doctor. He said it wasn't a serious bite, but wanted to run some tests.         "He called me up... yesterday? and asked me to come in. He told me he had good news and bad news. The good news was that it wasn't rabies or tetanus, so I asked what the bad news was.         "He looked weirdly embarrassed and muttered something under his breath I couldn't quite make out. I asked him, 'Did you say 'Anthropy'?'"         "'Well,' he replied, 'It's LIKE anthropy...'"