WHEN TANGENTS ATTACK: THE LIFE AND TIMES OF THE BREAKERS, THE WORLD'S GREATEST KUNG FU SURF GUITAR BAND...
History
Part 1: Whatever Happened to Johnny Tao, Kung Fu Superspy?
Some time ago, in an earlier installment of 'When Tangents Attack', I wrote up the story of Johnny Tao, kung-fu superspy. That story ended in the early 70's, with Johnny meeting Hawaiian oceanographer and marine biologist, Meilani Kawai, who assisted Johnny and his ally, crimefighting luchador, El Aguila Azul, in foiling a plot by an unholy alliance of former Nazi holdouts and Lemurian Serpent People.
Shortly after this, Johnny and Meilani would marry and, as the 1970's wound on, Johnny would drift into semi-retirement, on hand should he be needed, but content to focus on his family. This family would eventually consist of oldest siblings, Jun (Zack) and Ming-Na (Mina), middle child, Yìchén (Eugene) and youngest son, Hàorán (Aaron).
From an early age, perhaps due to their mother's influence, all the children showed an aptitude for and a love of music. One of Johnny's final recorded adventures¹ features an extended musical sequence (presumably intended to pad the film's running time) featuring Jun and Ming-Na. At that point the twins, not much older than ten years old, were already playing ukuleles and singing on stage². After the song, a troupe of Polynesian dancers perform, only to reveal that they're actually a squad of would-be assassins sent to kill Johnny.
A couple of years later, an attempt would be made to re-launch the Johnny Tao franchise as a proposed series of telemovies in which he'd be forced to juggle his globe-trotting superspy lifestyle with the troubles of his domestic responsibilities³. Once again, Jun and Ming-Na would appear, as well as a very young Yìchén. Unlike the rest of the Johnny Tao films which had a subtle but sly sense of humour, this is played for broad comedy. At one point, in a scene reminiscent of the later hospital scene from John Woo's 'Hard Boiled' (1992), Johnny has to battle four ninjas in absolute silence while carrying Yìchén, whom he's just managed to get to sleep.
Part 2: The Big Break
Unfortunately, 'The Return of Johnny Tao' failed to be picked up for a series, and effectively marked the final hurrah for Johnny Tao's adventures. While the show itself fell flat for most, many critics were extremely complimentary of the opening musical number with vocals by Meilani, Jun and Ming-Na on guitar and backing vocals, and Johnny (who never had the best singing voice) on drums.
The first official recording under the 'Breakers' name was demo single. It featured a re-recorded version of the 'Theme from The Return of Johnny Tao', with a vastly altered, surf guitar reworking of the twin's old ukulele duet from years ago as the B-side. At this point, the band consisted of Ming-Na (now mostly going by Mina) on Lead Guitar and Vocals, Jun (now Zack) on Bass Guitar and backing vocals, and Yìchén (now Eugene) on Drums and backing vocals.
While the A-side was well-received, it was the B-side, re-dubbed 'Shaolin Sandcastle', that really took off. One of its early champions was former crimefighter turned radio DJ and horror movie host, 'Moondog' Mike Mendez, who was largely responsible for its popularity. It was he who dubbed the group, "The World's Greatest Kung Fu Surf Guitar Band", a label that's stuck with them to this day.
In fact, so confident was he of its quality that he offered them the use of his recording studio and the assistance of his grand-niece Michaela 'Wireless Mic' Mendez, an experienced electrical engineer and sound technician to record a follow-up EP. By this stage, the group had added baby brother, Hàorán (now going by Aaron) on keyboards, and it finally looked like everything had come together for The Breakers... but, unknown to everyone, there was one more domino left to fall, and it was a big one!
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| (L-R: Eugene, Zack, Mina and Aaron)⁴ |
Part 3: A Ghost In The Machine!?
As recording began, everything seemed to be going smoothly, but then accidents began to happen. Mostly small electrical faults and minor technical issues which Michaela couldn't seem to nail down. Soon, small things started to go missing, or turn up in odd places. And as it got worse, people began having trouble sleeping, waking up at weird hours of the night and an overall feeling of tension and apprehension. The events came to a head as a heavy piece of machinery nearly toppled over, and would have crushed Michaela if not for Zack's quick- thinking actions.
The group agreed to suspend working on the album until they could resolve the issue. Eugene hit the books, Michaela began going over the studio's systems from top to bottom and Moondog used his heightened werewolf senses to try and sniff out the source of the problem. The other three helped out where they could, often just accompanying one of the others so they wouldn't get in to trouble by themselves. After the near-miss with Michaela, nobody wanted to take chances.
Following Eugene binging a bunch of research on ghost-tracking techniques, he and Michaela were able to rewire a bunch of security cams with heat and motion sensors, as well as audio microphones capable of recording beyond the range of human hearing. They also jury-rigged up some hand-held sensors, and between those and Moondog's weirdness-sensing sniffer, the crew managed to figure out it was related to something in one of the basement storerooms, where Moondog had been stowing old junk for decades.
Eventually, after a series of near-misses, some creepy apparitions and at least one chaotic high-speed chase sequence which seemed to feature everyone rushing in every which way, it was discerned that whatever was causing the trouble had something to do with a series of cases involving the long-defunct 'Dreamland' discotheque, where Moondog had investigated at least three cases in the late 70's and early 80's. Now that they knew vaguely what they were looking for, they were able to discover an old mirror-ball⁵.
Exposing the mirror-ball to light released the force within it - a fragment of the malevolent entity formerly known as 'The Roller Boogie-Man' - which had been stored close enough to the studio's switchboard that it had gradually been able to become a literal 'ghost in the machine'. Following a high-tech (and high-voltage) exorcism, the crew was able to banish the entity and, after some time of to recover, get back to recording their EP.
Part 4: Will Success Ruin The World's Greatest Kung-Fu Surf Guitar Band?
This would be the first time The Breakers had used their skills, know-how, teamwork and kung-fu prowess to investigate and solve a supernatural mystery, but it wouldn't be the last. In the years that followed, the EP would become an underground hit with college radios and alternative stations, starting on the West Coast, where the Breakers got support gigs for touring bands. With the release of their first album, 'Green Room Romp', they'd tour the US, but it was the second album that broke the overseas market, with large sales in Central and South America, and across Asia.
As they toured, a pattern began emerging. While most shows went smoothly, the band seemed to have an uncanny knack of stumbling across strange, seemingly supernatural mysteries. Maybe it was just their interest in such things, their willingness to lend a hand or just their ability to make friends with people who needed their help, but it seemed to happen far more often than would seem statistically viable (or at least, that's what Eugene said!). Some of these encounters were with theatrical confidence tricksters and hucksters, but on several occasions, they encountered genuine supernatural or, on several occasions, superhuman, threats. They even teamed up with their father's old rival/ally, El Aguila Azul, and his successor, El Aguila Azul, jr. while touring Mexico.
Part 5: The Fiendish Doctor Komodo!
On one of their recent tours to South-East Asia, they unwittingly ran into Doctor Komodo, one of their father's old enemies. Assuming that they had to have been sent by their father who had somehow learned of his plans, he abducted the kids and dragged them into the jungle where had hoped to uncover an ancient lost temple. According to an ancient, half-translated codex Komodo had stolen, the temple was home to a ferocious guardian spirit which could be commanded by a mystic incantation.
Once on site, the Breakers managed to escape the Doctor's thugs and make off with the codex. Unfortunately, this was a case of going from the frying pan into the fire as they were now alone in unknown jungle territory with enemies all around and little to no equipment. After a few minor successful sorties and a few very near disasters, the kids decided that the temple was their only chance. They made their ways past a variety of traps, puzzles and deadly travails before reaching the chamber which was reputedly the lair of the guardian.
Before they could act, however, Doctor Komodo appeared. He thanked the Breakers for guiding him and his men through the temple's traps, but now that they'd reached the chamber, he'd like his book back. All seemed lost until Eugene revealed that he'd managed to translate a section Komodo had been unable to and, if the others could distract Komodo and his men for a moment, he should be able to use the mystic incantation himself. At the signal, they leaped into action, and when Eugene recited the incantation, massive waves of unknowable energy swirled through the room, hurling bodies this way and that until everyone blacked out.
When they came to, they were back at the camp, with no sign of Doctor Komodo, his men or the Codex, and with Eugene in possession of a pearlescent black orb the size of a grapefruit. Taking one of the trucks, they made their way back to civilization and managed to contact the authorities. After resting up at a local hotel, they saw that the room they were staying in had been ransacked, with things scattered everywhere like a tornado had struck it without waking them up. In addition, the mysterious orb was missing!
Part 6: It Followed Us Home... Can We Keep It?
After ascertaining that there weren't any assassins waiting to slash their throats, they began to search the rooms and try to make sense of the carnage. Eventually, their attention was drawn to the sound of running water from the bathroom. Preparing for the worst, they burst in to discover a small Chinese Dragon the size of a small dog! It had apparently hatched from the orb and then, after silently examining everything in the room and leaving it an absolute mess, had decided to take a shower.
After getting past the initial shock, they began to try and figure out what was going on. The dragon, which called itself Chong Long, had seemingly adopted them. It could speak, but only Eugene could understand its speech. They later discovered that only they could see him. Not even their parents can see him.
Since then, the group has taken on Chong Long as a kind of mascot. He tends to stick close to Eugene mostly, and is usually more trouble than he's worth, but sometimes, having an invisible miniature dragon can come in handy.
Members ('The Breakers' created by Pól Rua)
Mina Tao (Tao Ming-Na) - Lead Guitarist and Vocalist. (created by Pól Rua)
Mina is the oldest daughter, and Zack's twin sister. As a result of this, she feels an overwhelming sense of responsibility, as well as a tremendous desire to prove herself to her father. Unfortunately, Johnny can be somewhat old-fashioned in his attitudes and he tends to focus more attention on Zack as the oldest son while overlooking Mina. This has left her somewhat desperate for approval from her father, and made condescension from others something of a sore point with her. Despite this, there is no resentment or jealously towards Zack over this, and the two have an excellent bond.
In general, though, she's cheerful, amiable and earnest, with a talent for connecting with people which proves useful in her role as lead guitarist, and in asking questions of people during investigations.
She's a practitioner of Hsing-I and Pakua, and focuses on speed, precision and athleticism over raw strength, using circular movements to avoid and redirect opponent's attacks turning the force of these attacks against them. In battle, she relies on continuous, flowing movement, using internal discipline to control the direction and force of the energies around her.
Zack Tao (Tao Jun) - Bass Guitarist and Vocalist. (created by Scott Lymbery)
Zack is the oldest son, and Mina's twin brother. Despite his father's attempts to mold him into a kind of successor, Zack's attitude is carefree, happy-go-lucky and good-hearted. He can seem shallow at times, preferring to live in the moment rather than thinking about tomorrow, which has resulted in his sister taking on a kind of den mother role, while he gets to be 'fun uncle' to his younger siblings. Despite this, however, Zack is fiercely protective, and any threat to his family members can result in a sudden and, given his usual casual persona, very unexpected change of demeanour.
Of all the siblings, Zack's the one who's most thrown himself into the surfside, 'beach bum' lifestyle. He likes to go with the flow, and take life as it comes. This approach can sometimes land him in hot water, but he's more than skilled enough to extract himself most of the time.
Zack was trained in T'ai-chi ch'uan by his father, but has added elements of Drunken Boxing to take advantage of his loose-limbed, stance and style of movement. Zack likes to use his environment to throw his opponents off-balance, giving him the advantage.
Eugene Tao (Tao Yìchén) - Drummer and Backing Vocals. (created by Jason Cochrane)
Eugene is the middle son and has been largely left to his own devices. In this case, that's the quest for knowledge. Eugene is a bottomless well of curiosity which had led him to become a voracious reader and something of a polymath. Of all the siblings, he tends to be the least subject to strong emotions, so can often step in as the 'voice of reason'. With that said, his natural inquisitiveness had led him into trouble before and he has a nasty habit of being so caught up in his own thoughts that he ignores danger.
The others tend to rely on Eugene a lot during investigation as, often, his weird knack for just happening to know the right fact or piece of trivia is just the key needed. With that said, while he may have all the facts, it's not always obvious to him which ones are important and he sometimes needs one of his siblings to put them all together.
Eugene practices Chin-na Kung Fu, a style which relies upon a vast knowledge of anatomy and Chinese medicine to strike at precise weak points. In combat, he often seems disturbingly still, like he's not sure where he is, until he'll suddenly strike out in a flurry of sharp, exact blows which will utterly disable his opponent.
Aaron Tao (Tao Hàorán) - Keyboards and Backing Vocals. (created by Jareth Cochrane)
Aaron is the youngest brother, and as 'the baby', he's been most indulged by his parents and siblings alike. On the other hand as the youngest, he's often driven to prove himself the equal of people whom he sees as older, smarter, stronger, or more capable than him. As a result, he's developed an impulsive, 'leap before you look' attitude which, paired with his seemingly limitless reserves of hyperactive energy, can sometimes land him, and his siblings, in hot water.
Aaron's wild hyperactive nature has resulted in him having extremely keen senses, taking in everything around him in a glance, even though it might take him a few moments to process exactly what it is he's just seen. While investigating, he's the family member most likely to just stumble across a vital clue while just sticking his nose in somewhere that looks interesting or fun.
By interacting with a variety of different teachers, Aaron has managed to put together an eclectic kung fu style which draws from many different styles, and which has an emphasis on overwhelming speed and all-out offense to put his enemy off-balance immediately and not give them time to recover.
A Breakers Discography
- 'The Return of Johnny Tao' (Demo Single) - 2 Tracks
- 'Shaolin Sandcastle' (EP) - 5 Tracks
- 'Green Room Romp' (Album) - 10 Tracks
- 'Drunken Monkey' (Album) - 12 Tracks
Pre-Breakers
- 'Sandcastle Showdown' (features Jun/Zack and Ming-Na/Mina, Age 10, from the Soundtrack of 'Pacific Protocol' [1983])
- Theme from 'The Return of Johnny Tao' (original, featuring Johnny Tao and Meilani Kawai)
- Theme from 'The Return of Johnny Tao' (remake - Side A)
- 'Shaolin Sandcastle' (surf guitar remake of 'Sandcastle Showdown' - Side B)
- 'Shaolin Sandcastle' (from 'The Return of Johnny Tao' Demo Single)
- 'We're Not Board'
- 'Atterador'
- 'El Surfista Fantasma' (Instrumental)
- 'Sandcastle Wipeout' (Extended, instrumental version of 'Shaolin Sandcastle')
- 'Enter the Green Room' (Prelude to 'Green Room Romp')
- 'Green Room Romp'
- 'Wax On, Wax Off'
- 'Leyenda del Surfista Fantasma' (Re-release of 'El Surfista Fantasma' with lyrics)
- (unspecified others)
- 'Drunken Monkey
- 'Eight-Diagram Board Rider'
- 'Hang Five (Deadly Venoms)'
- 'Atterador' (re-recorded version)
- (unspecified others)
This is very much inspired by the musical numbers used to pad out the running time of later Mexican luchador films, with the cutesy-poo kid inspired by the cherubic orphan who interrupts the film for what feels like an eternity so that he can warble out a song in 'Santo vs. el Estrangulador'.
4. Until I get actual images sorted out of 'The Breakers', these stand-in images from 1972's 'The Amazing Chan and The Chan Clan' will have to do. The Breakers are, of course, inspired by Hanna-Barbera cartoons about mystery-investigating rock bands the world over, including The Neptunes, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kids, and, of course, the Chan Clan.
Still, I think the four characters in question do a good job of catching the vibe of each of our heroes.
5. The events of 'The Dreamland Trilogy', in which 'Moondog' Mendez encounters an array of sinister forces around the 'Dreamland' discotheque during the 1970s and early 1980's are related here.
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