Character Writing Prompt 3 - Create-a-Character #3

 I've come to realize that I write a lot of stuff that just vanishes into the aether of the interwebs, and that some of it might be worth keeping around, even if it's just to provide inspiration for someone else.

Shortly after posting the second entry in this series, I was asked by someone if I could do something like it for a character he was about to play.

"Make a Character out of these prompts:

• Kobold
• Alchemical Artificer
• Pirate Background

I responded with the following:

    "Fitch Thetchar began life like any other kobold; as part of a group of kobolds living in an underground dungeon complex, serving an evil wizard. He had a normal kobold childhood of maintaining the traps, feeding the oozes, digging tunnels, swarming adventurers and watching the others in his group die horribly. Some were devoured by carrion crawlers, some swept up by gelatinous cubes and others speared by stirges, but the vast number were slaughtered by adventurers, largely young, poorly-equipped and inexperienced, who'd venture into the cave complex to be picked off one by one.

    "Things would have continued this way and would certainly have died in turn before long were it not for the events of one fateful day. As it had happened, one of the adventurers had almost made it to the Big, Big Boss at the centre of the dungeon, and had managed to kill the wizards's goblin assistant. Annoyed that, without his assistant, he was falling behind in his work, he called for his Orcish Captain of the Guard. 
    "'You,' he said, imperiously, "fetch me another goblin.'
    "The Captain leaned on his halberd and idly picked a bit of gnome from between his tusks, 'Sorry, yer worship. Outter goblins. That wassa last one.' 

    "'Well, what's the next thing to goblins?'

    "The Captain scratched his bum for a minute and went, 'Orc?'

    "'No, no, no!" replied the wizard, "The last thing I need is one of your oversized brutes blundering about my laboratory knocking things about and clomping about in those big hob-nailed boots! I need something SMALL! With nimble fingers, who can stay out of my way and won't take up too much space in here..." He thought for a moment and said, 'What are those little yapping dog-lizard things?'

    "The Captain let out a low, hateful growl, 'Kobolds...', he snarled contemptuously, and sent a huge wad of spit at the ground. 

    "'Yes, Kobolds,' the wizard smiled, 'And there are plenty of them? Not going to run out soon?'

    "'Nah, there's stacks of 'em, AN'  they breed like rabbits...'
    "'Right then, fetch me one of them.'

    "The kobold soon to be known as Fitch was the lucky one chosen, by virtue of the fact that nobody else wanted it, and he was the last to say so. The thing to be remembered about kobolds is that they very much appreciate the security - such as it is - of being surrounded by other kobolds. They know that, at any moment, their life could come to a horrible, messy end, and if you're surrounded by nine of your mates, then there's comfort in knowing that there's a nine in ten chance it won't happen to you. Apart from his mates, our hero was feeling VERY vulnerable indeed. 

    "However, the OTHER thing to be remembered about kobolds is that they're most happy when following a powerful leader, because when given a choice between killing an obvious threat and the scrawny, terrified dog-lizard thing standing at their ankles, most people will opt for targeting the big guy. They also know that one of the best ways to stay alive when standing next to a powerful leader is to make yourself useful.

    "As a result, our hero made himself very useful indeed. He found himself a small pile of rags in an out of the way corner and made himself at home, while keeping an ear open for his master's voice and leaping immediately into action. Some of his tasks were onerous - lighting this, tasting that, putting this up your nose or rubbing it on your skin to see what happened - but 90% of his job was fetching stuff in a variety of carefully-labelled glass jars. 
    "He soon became so use to responding to the wizard's gnarled, talon-like fingers stabbing out into the air and his voice croaking, 'Fetch That Jar!' that he took the command as a kind of name. He took comfort in the belief that the wizard was his friend and knew his name. Fitch Thetchar, he's say to himself as he drifted off to an uneasy, half-awake slumber, Fitch Thetchar. 

    "As time went on, Fitch managed to become a fairly skilled assistant. He was quick, agile and clever after a fashion, or at least had enough cunning to approximate a degree of cleverness. He was even able, by a form of osmosis, to pick up a degree of literacy and alchemical knowledge. Compared to the day to day threats to life in the dungeons and tunnels, this was a kind of paradise, and instead of having other kobolds, he had a new pack consisting of the wizard, his familiar and the various Orc Guards who came in from time to time to run errands or collect ingredients for the wizard.

    "There was no way it could last.

    "The end came a little over a year later. The wizard had been preparing for something for weeks now. He'd sent off a small cadre of his orcs on mysterious missions and they'd never come back. He'd noticed the wizard packing up much of his equipment and books into chests and crates. Finally, the wizard announced that they were leaving. He and his familiar stood in the centre of the room and beckoned for Fitch to join them, then, he muttered a few strange words, there was a funny feeling and when the feeling went away, they were somewhere else... somewhere that was moving.

    "It took Fitch some time to realize he was onboard a ship, and a little longer to understand what that WAS precisely, but it was agreeable enough. They were set up on a wooden room much like the one back in the dungeon, with books and shelves and lots of jars for him to fetch, and the wizard telling him to fetch them. Some of the orcs were here, too. Apparently, they were all something called a 'Pie-Rat' now. Fitch liked Pies... especially when they had rats in them, so this was very agreeable to him. He learned that the ship had an 'above' (which was bright and hot and horrible half the time and weird and cool and full of odd nooks and crannies and things to scramble on the other half) and a 'below' which was nice and dark and smelly was similarly full of nooks and crannies. 

    "He came to understand that being a Pie-Rat meant that instead of sending people to fetch ingredients, you could go there and fetch them yourself; which was agreeable. It also meant that, instead of being in one place all the time and having adventurers come along and kill you, they had to find out where you were first; which was very agreeable. It also meant that the whole place was swarming with as many rats as Fitch could eat, which turned out to be a lot; which was very agreeable indeed! He continued to learn more about words and letters and how potions and alchemy worked. The wizard theorized that some of the potions and serums he'd had Fitch try may have "mew-tatered" him somehow, though Fitch couldn't understand what this had to do with taters, or cats for that matter. 

    "Again, of course, it was far too good to last. They'd been at sea for well over a year when he and the wizard had begun working on a project. A terrifying green fire which could be used to destroy an enemy vessel's sails until they surrendered, lay down their arms and let you have everything they owned. And if they didn't do that, well, it was good at destroying enemy vessels after that, too. One day, as the wizard was showing then men how to load the round glass flasks containing the terrible green fire into catapults, the ship suddenly lurched to the side and one of the flasks rolled off the table and onto the deck, where it rolled quickly towards the hold. 

    "The last thing Fitch hear was the terrified voice of the wizard screaming his name in a high-pitched shriek, "FITCH THETCHAAAAAAAR!!!", before the world erupted in a burst of green flame.

* * * * *

     "He had no idea when or where he was when he woke up lying on a beach alone, surrounded by scorched and ruined timbers and bits and pieces of what was left of the boat. He wandered up and down the beach for hours, eventually finding a chest containing some bits and pieces of the wizard's equipment, some books and several vials and potions. He scavenged a coin pouch off a dead Pie-rat and had managed to find some potentially useful bits and pieces of equipment just as the horrible shiny yellow bastard sun began to clear the horizon. He knew there'd be people along soon, and he also knew he didn't want to be caught out alone and vulnerable in the daylight. He'd have to make his way somewhere new, where there were people around and he could make himself useful. Surely some Big Boss somewhere needed a Tunnel Runner who also knew how to be an Alchemist and a Pie-Rat. And if they did, then Fitch Thetchar was the kobold for the job!